Immortality in a Sandwich
A few days ago I released a video titled “Why I 365.” In actuality that video was less of a why, and more of a how. It showed what I do, without getting at why I do it. In the end, I 365 as a testament to the life I am trying to live. The pictures I take are an attempt to record and justify the choices I make, the life I live, and thus the man I am attempting to become.
Three years ago this month my grandmother ceased to live. If you knew me then or now, you know that she was/is/will be a driving force in my life. At the time her “death” was devastating. I suppose if we look at a “Grief Model” I was in the so-called Denial stage of grief. Since that time I’ve passed through the 5 major stages of grief Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
As I have come to understand life, my grandmother’s passing was not her death. She lives on in and through me and the many other lives she touched. Part of the reason I make the choices I Do now, is to bestow honor on her and my other ancestors both in blood and spirit; to do honor to the opportunities present in my life which their sacrifices have made possible. Last year I was living to make them proud; this year I intend to live by focusing on advancing their legacy.
One of the favorite memories we grandchildren have is of the peanut butter sandwiches my grandmother used to make. She would toast the bread until it was golden brown, and then apply the peanut butter before pressing the toast together just so. The writing here doesn’t do it justice, but it should suffice to say it was less that sandwich and more the love with which it was created that enticed us. Today I made a similar sandwich for my cousin, same love, different ingredients. I had added my own twist by adding honey and peanut butter. Through my hands I felt an ancestor walk; I know now we never truly die, not at least until the love we give out fades from this world. We live not to repeat the failures and successes of our ancestors; but rather to build on them and evolve.